My Eyes Were Opened

What a busy couple of weeks I have had! It’s been full of sickness, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, a new diagnosis and sleep adjustments. By far, though, my favorite activity was the opportunity I had to go to Women’s Conference. Held at BYU, Women’s Conference is very similar to BYU Education week. There are a few keynote speakers, and several classes offered on various topics throughout the course of two days. This was the first time I attended, but I don’t think it will be the last. I went with the objective of finding new perspectives and resources for this blog, and since the blog is mainly about mental health- that became my goal.

I don’t think I can cover everything I want to in just one blog, so I thought I’d take a few entries to cover all the wonderful information I got there. The overall theme this year was “Covenants” (promises between us and God). Many of the speakers spoke of what making covenants can do for us: they protect us, they help our commitment to God, they give us heavenly power, they ease our burdens.

Sister Wendy Watson Nelson went as far as to say the fulfillment of the specific covenant to attend the temple and do family history work will take away depression and anxiety. This is not 100% true. While I don’t discount the power that serving in this capacity has, I do have to make one clarification that I wish she had made. There are two types of depression. There is situational depression, and there is clinical depression. Situational depression is just that; extreme sadness that is brought upon by one or more acts in a person’s life. Clinical depression, though it can be triggered by an event in our lives, it’s not always necessary for a depressive episode to occur. The same thing is true about anxiety. A person may have a little anxiety without having an anxiety disorder.

The reason this is so important to clarify is because I have been on both sides of depression: situational and clinical. And in my experience, service has the power to pull you out of a situational depressive episode. However, it CANNOT pull you from clinical depression. In fact, generalizing statements like these can add a load of guilt on top of clinical depression. I’m already feeling low- so if I’m told that service can take it away, and it doesn’t? That only makes me feel like I’m not righteous enough, and I’m undeserving of God’s power.

Do I recommend doing service when depressed? Yes. It does have the power to ease your situational depression, even if it can’t take it away. Even if clinically depressed, service still might take a small portion of your thoughts and put them on someone else. Clinical depression can be very hefty, though, and can make it physically impossible to remove yourself from your bed. DO NOT think you are any less of a person if clinical depression is in your life. DO NOT believe, for a minute, that you are doing something wrong if service doesn’t take it away.

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I fully enjoyed my experience over the two days spent at Women’s Conference. Each sister I spoke with was more delightful than the last. I wish I took pictures with all of them, but here are a couple whose stories were something I could connect with… and what beautiful spirits!

The final keynote speaker was Elder M Russell Ballard. He spoke of the amazing influence a woman can have. He spoke of our ability to change the world. He advised us to ask questions and find truth on our knees; to desire to fortify our faith; to be unified in faith and purpose; to draw on my unique experience and perspective. He emphasized that everyone has a part and a specific purpose, saying that you didn’t have to earn the role of being a daughter of God. He reminded us that we’ve made covenants to save souls- and to build the kingdom of God and lead the women of the world with those covenants.

I was crying by this point. He had so many amazing things to say about women- about me. There was even one point where everything seemed to slow down, and my eyes were spiritually opened. I looked around the Marriott Center where we were seated, and I saw how many women were there. I was spiritually touched by how much WORTH was in that room; how much LOVE I knew God had for every single person there. And I wanted to tell them.

So, instead, I tell you. I know you are in your own phase of life. I know you have your own reasons for reading this blog… but that doesn’t matter. YOU have so much worth. YOU are beautiful. YOU are strong. YOU have the ability to do hard things. God loves YOU so much. He has a plan specially designed for YOU because he knows you can do it. YOU have a part to play.  YOU are important. YOU are talented. YOU are loved.