Yeah... that was me. Only mine is a little less "hide my face", and a little more "where's waldo?"
Can you find me? Cool, right? Yeah... It's the back cover of the April 2015 Ensign from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My husband wrote a bit of our family story, and the Ensign really wanted it, so here it is. Click here to read our story.
I just want to add a little of my thoughts and feelings, as well as some details of the story that didn't make it into the Ensign. Life throws us curve balls. It rarely works out the way we want or plan. But the thing is, God knows everything. He understands everything. He sees better than we do, and He knows what we need and how we learn. He allows hard things to happen sometimes so that we can prove to ourselves that we need and want Him in our lives. Here's the perfect illustration for what I'm talking about:
Now, here's a little into the mind of me as we faced this detour in our lives. When we were told that we wouldn't be able to have more children, I was heart-broken. I desperately wanted more children... at least one more- a girl. I wanted a girl. I'd be happy with either, but I wanted a girl. After the initial mourning the thought of not having more children, Jake and I started playing with the idea of trying adoption or IVF (even though they said we had less than a 10% chance of that working). One night, I was in the bedroom folding laundry or making the bed or something, and Jake came upstairs. He was eager to tell me something. Not long before this, Jake had been called as the Elder's Quorum President in our ward. That evening, he told me that he was preparing for this calling by reading the oath and covenant of the priesthood in Doctrine and Covenants 84:33. As he read "unto a renewing of the body", he got a little choked up. He looked at me and said he was overcome by the Spirit and felt that, for him, if he fulfilled his new calling well, his body would literally be renewed and he would be able to give me that which I desired most. We both broke down and cried as we realized the reality of this promise.
We still had to wait a while. The doctors wanted to make sure the chemo was out of Jake's systems before trying to have more children. They warned us about miscarriages and birth defects that were highly likely because of the chemo. I held on desperately to my boy. He was my strength, and my reassurance that if I was not to have more children, at least I had him. We were still playing with the idea of adoption at the time. It was during the October general conference, during President Packer's talk, that I had a distinct feeling that we needed to try to have our own- to get pregnant again. It was overwhelming. I expressed these feelings with Jake. We still weren't convinced of the timing. That is, until the following April conference. This time, the feeling came to Jake, and he approached me- saying it was time to try.
We decided to ask Jake's dad for blessings as we began this new process, that we would have peace regardless of the outcome, and that my body in particular would be receptive. As he lay his hands on my head and began to speak, I did feel that peace, but then I almost lost it when he said I was to have children and that they were female and excited to come to me as their mother. Jake's dad told me he tried not to say those things, but when the spirit tells you, you obey.
I had some other weird things going on with my body at the time, and decided that I should clear it up, whatever it was, with the gynecologist. I told her the things that were happening, and she told me to pee in a cup, just the same, to rule our pregnancy. She came back and told me I was pregnant. WHAT?!?! I was confused and thrilled all at the same time- it had only been a couple weeks. For the next few weeks, I got super sick, and everyone started joking with me that it was twins. I laughed along with them, until I was told they were right. I realize that the blessing said children... but I didn't realize He meant all at once. Then, I cried- of a little fear, and a lot of love. With no fertility treatments, my body accepted two babies. To make it even more amazing: I carried them to week 37- and they were both born over 6 pounds. They truly are my miracle babies.
I had to learn a few things during this phase of our lives. But one thing remained the same: God is there. He loves me. He loves my family. He wants us to succeed. That will never change. We will be blessed according to our faith and according to His plan for us individually and as families. I am so blessed to have my wonderful, patient husband, and my very different, but equally talented and beautiful children. They are my miracles.
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