Help and Hope: Coping With Depression

At Women’s Conference, there was a possibility of going to 6 separate classes. In each time slot, there were 15 classes to choose from. It was a very difficult choice. There were so many good options. But I had a specific goal and purpose in mind. I wanted to see what kind of insights I might find on mental health/mental illness to write about on this blog. That made the decision a lot easier. There were 3 separate classes that spoke about mental health and mental illness. So as not to stress myself out, I only attended these three classes, and boy- do I have some good stuff for you!

I was going to try and cram all three sessions I attended into one blog, but there are way too many good insights to just breeze through them all. I think I will have to do one blog entry for each class. For the purpose of this entry, I will use bolded words to show what the speakers said, and regular or italicized wording for my own thoughts and insights. Each class had two speakers. This first class was called “Help and Hope: Coping with Depression”.

Shauna Beard

Sister Beard had a list of helpful hints when learning to deal with depression (and I regret to say I didn’t catch them all- I don’t write fast enough). One was to recognize the symptoms. I have been taught to do this with both bipolar depression as well as mania. There are generally patterns associated with an episode. They may be different from person to person, but over time, you learn to recognize when you might be dipping down into depression (or mania) again, and you can initiate actions that can minimize the effects of an episode.

Seek professional help. PLEASE!!! We all need help sometimes, and there is NO shame in asking for it. If our car breaks down, we take it to the mechanic, not hide and pretend that everything is okay. Mental illness is just like a heart condition- it needs professional care. This care may include medication, verbal therapy, or even hospitalization. The sooner you get professional help, the sooner you can lessen the effects of depression.

Respond with kindness- even to yourself. We humans (especially we women) have a terrible habit of not giving ourselves a break. We are compassionate and understanding and kind to those around us, but if we ourselves are struggling, we respond by beating ourselves up. STOP IT!

Don’t stop searching until you get the help you need. I have almost always been pretty open about having bipolar, and gave my husband permission to talk about it as well (It can be very draining on a caregiver). He found someone that gave him this same advice. Just because you go to a therapist doesn’t mean that’s the best therapist for you. Apparently, this man’s wife went to a therapist for a number of years until she finally admitted it wasn’t helping her. They found another therapist that was more in synch and this man’s wife could finally start getting the help that worked for her. It’s okay to be more aggressive in your search for good care.

Fear can be dispelled through correct knowledge. Depression can be a scary thing. You have thoughts that aren’t you. You don’t feel like you. You suddenly feel completely alone and lonely in a room full of family and friends who love you. However, recognizing depression for what it is (situational or clinical- see previous post) can give you more power. Just the knowledge that there’s something in your brain that’s causing those things makes it more real instead of an all-powerful controlling entity. Learn everything you can- and you’ll better be able to manage it.

My therapist and I frequently talk about taking our “daily vitals”. These vitals are basically me checking in with myself: where am I on the scale? How depressed? How manic? Did I take my medication today? How much sleep did I get? Was I irritable or anxious today? These things help me stay in tune with myself and my disorder. I was thrilled when Sister Beard talked about taking your religious vitals. Have I read my scriptures today? Have I had a priesthood blessing? Did I pray? Have I been compassionate towards others? Have I been kind to myself? Do I follow the spirit (though this last one is sometimes difficult to do. When a person is depressed, it becomes very hard to feel the spirit or to know when your feeling the spirit)? Staying in tune religiously or spiritually is just as important as staying in tune physically. It helps me keep my disorder in better perspective. It reminds me that there are more sides of me than just a mental illness- I am so much more than that. Remembering my relationship with God bolsters me and keeps me from getting overly angry (yes, it still happens a little, but I’m working on it) when I do have an episode.

Kristina Hansen

Sister Hansen is a psychologist and assistant clinical professor at BYU. It seemed her whole thesis statement was that understanding depression allows for proper responding. She used all of her time to cram as much information about depression as possible. It was amazing- SO much good stuff. I took 3 full pages of single-spaced notes on her talk alone. Here’s a summary of what I gleaned from her:

Talking about depression humanizes both us and depression. I wrote a recent blog entry about why I talk about having bipolar. One of the reasons was that somehow talking makes bipolar less of an all-powerful thing. Talking brings it into perspective and allows me to be in control. To read the full entry, click here.

Depression affects more women than men

Religion alone doesn’t lessen the chance of getting depression. PLEASE- do NOT be hard on yourself for getting depression. For a long time, I was angry and felt hopeless because I kept having the thought over and over “but I’m a good girl. I do everything that I should. Why do I have to suffer through depression?” Trials are trials, and nobody is immune for the possibility of getting depressed. Accepting that fact may make it easier to manage.

There was a list of aspects that may make you more prone to having a depressive episode. These include: stress, loss, anger, genetic predisposition, physical illness, lack of sunlight, low rewards, other physiological causes. It seems to me that not all, but some of these are within our ability to control- or at least lessen the affects of. For example, we can’t control genetic predisposition, but we can lower our stress. Lack of sunlight seems out of our control, but we can buy a grow light or a sun lamp to give us at least a small portion of vitamin D.

Somehow, we Feel more valid if our depression is tied to a reason. NEWSFLASH! And I hate this as much as you do… we don’t always get to have a reason to feel depressed. Clinical depression comes at random times- and may not align itself to what is going on in your life. It is NOT okay for friends or family to say “You have so many things going for you- you shouldn’t be depressed.” If you hear this, they are obviously a little ignorant. Don’t let it get to you.

There are 9 symptoms typical of the depressed (5 need to be present in a two week period in order to be diagnosed as depressed):

·      Depressed mood

·      Loss of interest or pleasure

·      Significant weight loss

·      Insomnia

·      Psychomotor agitation or retardation

·      Fatigue or loss of energy

·      Feelings of worthlessness

·      Diminished ability to think or concentrate

·      Recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal ideation, or an attempt

It has been my belief that when someone struggles with depression, or bipolar like me, or any other mental illness, one should look everywhere for ALL the best practices. Sister Hansen seemed to agree. She said that we should seek help in the form of individual therapy, group therapy, and medication, but doctors say that compassion is the best treatment. Be kind to yourself. You are not less than. You are not at fault, nor should you be blamed. In fact,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

YOU ARE ENOUGH

Wanting to be loved and accepted is good, but you don’t have to earn love.

First, she stated that seeking help is a reflection of a belief that God wants the best for his children- INCLUDING self.

Then, she proceeded to give a list of Strategies For Resilience

1.    BALANCED lifestyle: daily exercise, good hydration, balanced diet, good sleep, etc. I almost laughed out loud at this one. I don’t know how many times my therapist has reiterated to me these very things. And yes, I notice a big difference when I’m making an effort on this front.

2.    Give yourself time for relaxing and pleasure

3.    Avoid social isolation- This one is really hard to do. All you want to do when your depressed is to avoid other people and just be completely alone. So, we’re basically being asked to go against instincts. So, if we’re to avoid making depression and stress worse in our lives, connecting with others is the key.

4.    Express intense emotions appropriately. If you get really angry, don’t start throwing things or hitting people, take a walk to cool off. Put yourself in time out and working on breathing exercises. Call your therapist and schedule an extra appointment.

5.    Seek professional help. It’s okay to admit if you need help. Everybody does in some capacity at some point in their lives. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to get better.

6.    INVOLVE CHRIST- struggles are a part of God’s plan. I don’t believe we asked or volunteered for our specific trials; but I do believe that God knows us so intimately that he knew how we could grow through this trial. Also, He sent Jesus to suffer and die- not just for our sins- but so He would know how to succor (run to) his people. That means He knows what its like to feel depressed, angry, suicidal, alone, isolated, etc. He KNOWS you. The atonement is not just for sin, it’s so we don’t have to carry this burden alone.

Now, will these things take away your depression? Maybe, but probably not. What they WILL do is take the edge off and make it a little more manageable. I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE!!!