Anxiety

I've been feeling very weird lately. It's almost like a mixed episode in that I have excess energy, but feeling negative. My stomach is churning and my head is swimming. I feel the constant physical need to sleep, but when given the chance, my sleep is very light- I can't get comfortable and my brain won't shut up! In fact, my brain and thoughts are going so fast and are so disorganized that I can't really think. I'm not able to slow down despite my efforts doing meditations, deep breathing exercises, etc. Might this be what torture feels like?

Our lives have been in constant flux for a while now. I've been thinking/hoping that we'd have a solution by now, but we were just told the opposite. We are losing stability and control, despite our best efforts- and I'm at a loss.

I do my charting every night like a good girl. I keep track of my medications (which I take faithfully every day), my mood swings within a day, when I go to therapy, my menstrual cycle, my irritability levels- and something that I've never really noticed until recently: anxiety. My levels of anxiety have been crawling upward.

But- Knowledge is empowering; my husband and I are starting to understand how anxiety can play a role in my bipolar state of being. It's never really been an issue before, but our lives are so up in the air lately that I think it has finally made its way into my disorder. As we have read today, it's possible for anxiety to replace depression in a mixed episode. So I'm having symptoms of hypomania and symptoms of anxiety. I really don't like this feeling... This racing of my brain that's so disorganized and unfocused I feel like throwing up because there are no answers. At least with hypomania, I have a grasp on (and find answers to) my racing thoughts. But I guess it's another facet of Bipolar that I get to learn about. Gee- lucky me.