FIX IT!!!

As we approach the beginning of a new year, it's customary to take a look at our lives and set goals to  become a better person: lose weight, pick up a new hobby, stop smoking, save money, etc.  In some way, we just want to ---FIX IT!!!

Sorry- I couldn't help myself. That video just makes me laugh. But let’s  get real- it ain't gonna fix itself- whatever “it” is for you.

One of my “its” is my thought patterns. Bipolar is specifically characterized by extreme moods and patterns of distorted thinking. Distorted thinking can have an extreme negative impact on a person’s perception of themselves, others, and the world around them.

None of us are immune from types of distorted thinking at some point in our lives. I think it is at least partially powered by our emotionally charged reaction to things. I would even guess that many break-ups of relationships and families are because of distorted thinking on the part of one or multiple parties. Learning to better control these dangerous thought patterns would be an excellent New Years Resolution. Just an idea...

To review, the main patterns are as follows (for explanations on each type, visit my previous entry here):

•    Filtering

•    Polarized or black and white thinking

•    Overgeneralization

•    Jumping to conclusions

•    Catastrophizing

•    Personalization

•    Control fallacies

•    Fallacy of fairness

•    Blaming

•    Shoulds

•    Emotional reasoning

•    Fallacy of change

•    Global labeling

•    Always being right

•    Heaven’s reward fallacy

In my experience, the first step in overcoming distorted thinking patterns is to question oneself. Challenging every thought that spurs  a negative emotion is not an easy thing to do. Essentially, you are accepting the idea that you might be wrong. In my case, that I might be wrong very frequently.

Once you’ve identified the thought, then you interrogate it. Search for the full picture. Gather the facts. This also includes trying to see the situation from another perspective, including that of your opposition. Be honest. Was that thought really warranted or did your brain overdo it a little?

I admit this is way hard to start, but it gets easier as you retrain your brain to be more balanced and react realistically and not perceptionally, if that makes sense. Perception is reality to many people. But our reality can be more fair and less depressing and angry if we look at a more complete picture.

Below is another list of ideas on how to conquer those poisonous distorted thinking patterns. I took everything below from psychcentral.com.

“1. Identify Our Cognitive Distortion.

“We need to create a list of our troublesome thoughts and examine them later for matches with a list of cognitive distortions. An examination of our cognitive distortions allows us to see which distortions we prefer. Additionally, this process will allow us to think about our problem or predicament in more natural and realistic ways.

“2. Examine the Evidence.

“A thorough examination of an experience allows us to identify the basis for our distorted thoughts. If we are quite self-critical, then, we should identify a number of experiences and situations where we had success.

“3. Double Standard Method.

“An alternative to “self-talk” that is harsh and demeaning is to talk to ourselves in the same compassionate and caring way that we would talk with a friend in a similar situation.

“4. Thinking in Shades of Gray.

“Instead of thinking about our problem or predicament in an either-or polarity, evaluate things on a scale of 0-100. When a plan or goal is not fully realized, think about and evaluate the experience as a partial success, again, on a scale of 0-100.

“5. Survey Method.

“We need to seek the opinions of others regarding whether our thoughts and attitudes are realistic. If we believe that our anxiety about an upcoming event is unwarranted, check with a few trusted friends or relatives.

“6. Definitions.

“What does it mean to define ourselves as “inferior,” “a loser,” “a fool,” or “abnormal.” An examination of these and other global labels likely will reveal that they more closely represent specific behaviors, or an identifiable behavior pattern instead of the total person.

“7. Re-attribution.

“Often, we automatically blame ourselves for the problems and predicaments we experience. Identify external factors and other individuals that contributed to the problem. Regardless of the degree of responsibility we assume, our energy is best utilized in the pursuit of resolutions to problems or identifying ways to cope with predicaments.

“8. Cost-Benefit Analysis.

“It is helpful to list the advantages and disadvantages of feelings, thoughts, or behaviors. A cost-benefit analysis will help us to ascertain what we are gaining from feeling bad, distorted thinking, and inappropriate behavior. Note: 1) clinical concept of secondary gain; and 2) refer to cost-benefit analysis.

“Reference:

“Burns, D.D. (1989). The feeling good handbook: Using the new mood therapy in everyday life. New York: William Morrow.”

Spirals of Distorted Thinking

We call it a spiral at our house; that moment when you remember something you forgot to do, or recognize something you did do, but shouldn't have? Then, all of a sudden, every mistake you've ever made comes crashing into your brain at once. It doesn't matter when the mistake happened- yesterday or 10 years ago.

Next comes the negative self-statements:

-"I'm such a bad mom"

-"I'm a horrible friend"

-"I've never been good at (fill in the blank)"

And finally, we reach an eternal "truth" statement. These aren't really true statements, but they sure feel true to us in the moment.

-"Why would God put me in this situation- I obviously can't handle it"

-"I'm letting everyone down"

If the spiral is bad enough, we might even slip into suicidal-type thinking:

-"My family would be better off without me"

-"I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear"

-"I want to go to sleep and never wake up"

-"I wish I could just stop existing"

And before you know it, you have completely flushed yourself down the toilet.

A spiral is chalk FULL of what's called distorted thinking. There are 15 common types that can be hurtful to our mental well-being- all can be found below. Aside from extreme mood swings, distorted thinking is a key characteristic of Bipolar disorder. However, you don't have to have a mood disorder or a mental illness to suffer from any of the distorted thinking patterns, or to benefit from correcting such thought patterns, either on your own or through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In my opinion, we could all benefit from challenging our thoughts.

This list was taken directly from psychcentral.com. (http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/)

"1. Filtering

"We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.

"2. Polarized Thinking (or "black and white thinking)

"In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

"3. Overgeneralization

"In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.

"4. Jumping to Conclusions

"Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us. 

"For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.

"5. Catastrophizing

"We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”). 

"For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections).

"6. Personalization

"Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc. 

"A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late to the dinner party and caused the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.”

"7. Control Fallacies.

"If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”

"8. Fallacy of Fairness.

"We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” — things will not always work out in your favor, even when you think they should. 

"9. Blaming.

"We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.

"10. Shoulds.

"We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything. 

"For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Musts and oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statements toward others, they often feel anger, frustration and resentment.

"11. Emotional Reasoning. 

"We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

"12. Fallacy of Change. 

"We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

"13. Global Labeling. 

"We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves. 

"For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else’s behavior rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as “He’s a real jerk.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person who is mislabeling might say that “she abandons her children to strangers.”

"14. Always Being Right.

"We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.

"15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy. 

"We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come."

So, instead of letting our thoughts spin out of control and make us feel less than, let's take action and challenge said thoughts. First, we need to allow ourselves to be imperfect and recognize that the thoughts themselves might be contaminated. Challenge every thought. Question it- does this thought fall into any of the above categories? Practice this for a while. My next post will give more tips on how to challenge and possibly even overcome distorted thinking patterns (with specific details on what has worked for me in the past). Here's to steering clear of the spirals!

The Blind Leading the Blind

Not too long ago, my husband and I moved in with his parents. This was to be a temporary solution as we figure out the next steps of our future. We soon learned this was by divine design. God placed us in my in-laws house for a reason.

We had only been there for six weeks, when my father-in-law unexpectedly passed away. There was no sign that anything was wrong, but his heart got too big (literally and figuratively) to be on earth with us anymore.

Normally, this wouldn't mean much difference for my little family's future, except that my mother-in-law has a medical issue that requires care. What she has is dementia caused my a series of mini strokes. She can't remember things. She has difficulty stringing sentences, or even words, together. She also struggles emotionally- and not just because she misses her husband. She gets frustrated. My father in law did everything for her, and now he's not here. By default, it falls to me to care for her.

This is a perfect example of "the blind leading the blind". In the Bible (Matthew 15:14), Jesus teaches "They be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch." Yup- if I'm to care for her, that's exactly what will happen. After all, our difficulties are very similar to each other.

To an extent, I understand her brain. My brain, too, is wired such that I'm extra-sensitive emotionally. While I'm learning to train my brain so that it is more balanced, I still have emotional problems that no one understands. And it gets so frustrating when no one seems to see the reasons behind my fear, or my anger, or depression, or yes, even my elation. She and I relate in this way.

On the other hand, as I'm learning to manage my emotions and sort of stabilize them, she's slowly getting worse. And now, without her rock, her husband, I'm afraid I just can't fill those shoes. No one expects me to be just like him, but I don't want her quality of life to suffer because I can't be him.

But again, President Thomas S Monson (Prophet and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) has frequently taught that "Whom the Lord calls, He qualifies". I believe this. I've believed it in the past as I was asked to face hard things in my life- and I have to believe it now. If He saw fit to bring me to this situation, I know He can bring me through it.

So- onward we go: the blind leading the blind. And the thing is- even though I'll be taking care of her- I'm pretty sure she'll be the one leading and teaching me.

Puppet with strings

Control or lack of control? That is the question. Control has always been an issue in my life- even before I discovered I had Bipolar... Maybe even before it manifested itself. I was in a constant battle with my parents- trying to take control of my own life rather than have them control it for me. I just needed that knowledge that I was in the driver's seat- that I had control over my own life.

Unfortunately, I think I didn't use that control well when I did have it. I would over schedule myself so that I was doing too much. Even though I enjoyed everything I scheduled myself for- I ended up with no down time. I became overly stressed. I didn't allow any time for home and family (which later caused problems in my attitude about home and family). I'm not saying it was a bad thing to gain control of my own life. Everyone needs to have that learning curve as we explore our independence. I'm only using it as an example of how not to exercise that control.

Now, as someone with Bipolar, exercising control in my own life is a continual uphill battle. As much as I want to do what I want when I want... I don't get that privilege... Not anymore. There are a lot of aspects in a Bipolar's life that requires constant "supervision": daily exercise, "checking in" frequently with my moods throughout the day, journal writing, daily meditations, charting my moods/medications/irritability and anxiety levels, going to therapy (the verbal kind), etc.

I recently got very frustrated with all these things. I decided to talk with my husband about it. I told him that I don't feel like I get a say in my life anymore. That my life revolves around Bipolar instead of me or even my family. I've become nothing more than a puppet on strings- controlled by the whims of my disorder.

Being the good husband that he is, Jake listened compassionately and allowed me to say my piece. Then, as he frequently does, he gave me a different perspective. He said that though it feels that I have no control, my active participation in bipolar management is what allows me to have the control in my life.

I've thought of this frequently since we had this conversation. I've realized that it is not a matter of being in control, but rather, having self-control that is key in life. I have recently been in contact with others who, like me, have bipolar. But, unlike me, they don't manage their bipolar (even if they think they do). And I've seen that this lack of management puts them and those around them in difficult positions. It is their choice to not manage their disorder. In a way, they are as puppets who have cut their strings. They, like me, so desperately want control in their own lives, they have made the choice to cut those strings by which they feel constrained. But by so doing, They lose control in their own lives. I know this not only by observation, but by experience. Without managing my disorder, the disorder takes charge and everything else falls apart. However, it is my active choice to do everything I can to lead an AVERAGE (which is good, in this case) life with HEALTHY relationships. This takes a great deal of self-control.

Everything I do is to keep Bipolar under control. I make a CHOICE to pro-actively manage my disorder. What I've been talking about thus far are the preventative measurements I take so my episodes will be fewer and far between, not to mention smaller in intensity and shorter in duration. But there is another type of self-control if and when those episodes hit. When my husband or I notice that I am acting elevated or depressed, I have to exercise control to act in opposition to what I'm feeling. When I feel like starting a million projects, I take a few steps back and do some deep breathing and not work on any projects. When I feel depressed and want to be by myself, I try to surround myself with people who can help to distract and love me. (This may sound easy, but trust me, it's VERY difficult acting in opposition to yourself.)

Yes- I am still a puppet on strings, but I am also the puppet master. The strings are my lifeline that allows me to decide what to do and who to be. If I accept my place as puppet master, and continue my sometimes tedious course of bipolar management, I am then able to move and act as a normal citizen in society, and more importantly, in my family. I can contribute more consistently. I can interact with others in a more positive way. I can actually hear what you're telling me without taking offense. I can actually sleep at night instead of my brain waking me up every half hour. I can feel good about myself without feeling like I have to conquer the world in order to have value.

I assume everyone enjoys having control over their own lives, but I also assume that everyone has their own set of issues hat require some level of self-control first. Seriously, you don't have to be like me and have an official mental health disorder diagnosis to benefit from a certain level of routine and discipline. However, if you are like me and have a similar diagnosis, you will notice a night and day difference when you "take care" of your mental health first.

A little off

We moved. It's not permanent- just somewhere in transition while we wait for some details to work themselves out. Then, we'll move again.

I've done really well up to this point. I've kept myself busy with some fun projects. Until we find out where we're moving, I've been making things to help our car trip be more successful- you know, things to keep the kids occupied and happy on our hours on the road. My favorite thing has been the car organizers. One for me in the front:

Then, a couple for the back seats for the kids to access:

And today, I just finished a little box (my first duck tape project- not the cleanest, but it'll work) for the trash and baby wipes for dirty hands and faces to go:

The little spokes are to hold the plastic bags in place.

 I've had, I think, a pretty good attitude about the whole thing. Unfortunately, now that those projects are done (big shout out to my mom, by the way, for letting me raid her fabric stash), I feel down.

The problem with this is I know it's just temporary; a let down after a while of being slightly hypo manic... But that doesn't change the feelings of uselessness- of restlessness- of feeling tired and like I have no friends.

Whenever I feel like this, my first instinct is to write something on Facebook about how I feel. But this is what happens: I get some people who say they understand and to hang in there (and as much as I want that to help, it doesn't). But then I get others trying to analyze me or telling me what I need to do to "fix" it- to "fix" me.

First of all, you can't fix me- this is just something that I come around to every so often. It's part of the disorder. No- serving others won't take it away. Really- if you have to say anything- stick with the first group, and just say you're sorry, and that either you do, or even that you wish you could understand or take it away.

But what I think would help me most is to have a friend come over and distract me with stories of your day... Or better yet- let's watch a movie. Neither one of us has to say anything, but I would know I'm loved because you took time out of your day to just be with me while I felt like a fly on the wall, or needed to cry just to cry.

Yes- I know that life isn't over. My depression doesn't usually get that deep anymore, but it still happens sometimes. I'm looking forward to the next "project" that can help lift me up.

Summer Disaster

I have terrible habit of apologizing for everything. My daughter has followed my example and apologizes for really sad things. Like if she trips- she apologizes. It makes me sad because I know it’s because of my example. So, I’m going to practice not apologizing for things. I’m not going to apologize for not writing in my blog all summer. Do I feel bad? Kind of. But not because of you. This blog has been a tool for me to vent, and also keep my brain somewhat organized. I feel bad because I haven’t let it be those things for me this summer. I’ve slacked off on my bipolar management. AND- This blog has been only one of several management tools that I’ve slacked on over the summer.

I had every intention this summer to keep a routine. Routine, as you may know, is very important in my Bipolar management. I had every good intention to follow said routine. I even typed it up. It had gym time, chore time, reading/writing time, and free time. It even had time carved out for lessons: martial arts- which my son just started this summer and LOVES it- and swimming. We were even going to have every Wednesday be “Spanish Day”, so that my son wouldn’t lose any of the Spanish he learned in school last year. He’s doing a dual immersion program at his elementary school.

But my good intentions went down the drain as life happened. The biggest distraction for me has been the decision we made to sell our house. We’re still looking for buyers.

Instead of going to the gym, or even do the chores, I chose to try to clear out some things. We’ll most likely have to downsize… so clearing out as much as possible will be important in this process. So- there went the exercise (also EXTREMELY important in Bipolar management). Sidenote: I don’t think anything gets to replace exercise. If I’m doing something physical, it can be in addition to exercise- not in place of exercise, for future reference. I can say this in confidence, too, because I have gained all the weight back that I had lost… maybe even plus some. I am back up to over 200 pounds, and I’m quite depressed about it.

And then I lost my meditation time. I think the main culprit for this change is that my girls have stopped taking naps. I would always put the girls down for a nap, and use that time to calm down my brain with meditations. I’ve noticed that for me, doing meditations are the key to keeping my irritability levels down. So, now that meditations are much less frequent (instead of every day, its only on weekends, if then), I have been a much more irritable/angry person. I’ve tried really hard, but if the girls aren’t sleeping, I need to find an alternative until they are in school.

I did just recently find something that might work: Coloring.

I ordered some basic “patterns” coloring books from Amazon. There were other- more complicated ones that were made specifically for mindfulness purposes. I’ll probably get those, too, just to have on hand.

I have noticed the difference this summer having not kept up with blogging, meditations, exercise, and routine, that two things have happened: my mood swings have increased, and my brain has gone to mush.

I went to my therapist and told her I’m really distraught because I literally feel stupid- physically. I’m not saying this to get a pity party, but because I can tell my brain is not responding as well as it used to. My memory is crappy these days. My cognitive functioning is not as sharp- it’s slower. Apparently this can be a side effect of the medication used to treat bipolar; which makes me feel even worse. I mean, what’s the worse of two evils here: Bipolar brain, where I can’t always control my mood swings or irritability levels? Or a slower brain, where I feel like I can’t do anything right due to my being “stupid” for the rest of my life…

This is what I told my therapist. She told me that “mush brain” is common for mothers during the summer. Our brains need schedule- routine- organization- to function well. When we’re in the summer, and we lose those things, our brains don’t know how to react, so they don’t. Though she said my researched theory about the medication is possible, it’s more likely that I just have summer mush brain. She assures me that once I get back to routine, with all those management skills that I’ve slacked on, my brain will start to react better and feel sharper again.

So- here’s my first blog being back sort of on schedule. School for my son starts this week, and I will incorporate “coloring time” with my girls during the same time as my meditations used to be. The week after that, I plan to renew my gym membership (at least for a month to month- while we’re trying to sell our house). And I can get back on track one step at a time.

Finding Hope in the Journey: Understanding Mental Illness

On my last entry about Women’s Conference, I will write about the session entitled “Finding Hope in the Journey: Understanding Mental Illness”. This class seemed to be patterned after my own experience. I cried several times as I nodded in agreement to what the teachers were saying. In some instances, they gave much-needed words to my clouded feelings about the process of dealing with a mental illness. I left feeling empowered and overwhelmed with gratitude. (The words and points of the teachers will be bolded. My thoughts will be in normal type.)

Monica Blume

Most of what Sister Blume expressed are exactly how I feel and what I have learned through my personal journey with a mental illness, so I doubt I will have many of my own thoughts attached. But, they will be my words from now on- so, recognize that, for the purpose of this blog, these thoughts belonged to Monica Blume… but in the future, they will be mine as well.

First, Blume wanted us to realize first and foremost that mental illness is NOT the end of a happy life. It does take hard work, and discipline in the little decisions every day, but happiness can be attained even with a mental illness.

She stressed the importance of CHOOSING TO CHANGE. It is easy for someone with mental illness to fall into the pattern of letting the illness and distorted thinking to control our lives… but it doesn’t have to be that way. If we make that choice to take control of the illness rather than the other way around, we can better manage our lives. I had to go through this process. It is not an easy choice to make (again and again and again), nor is it an easy process to get to that happiness that we all want. BUT, it is doable. I am living proof that living with a mental illness doesn’t mean death and despair all the time (and not just because I have bipolar and struggle with mania, too). I still have episodes, but because I have found a bunch of management strategies that I faithfully adhere to, my episodes are shorter and much more manageable. Believe that change is possible.

Blume gave a list of important things to understand as we learn to deal with mental illness in ourselves or in a loved one. These include:

1.    Be willing to be uncomfortable to get things better. (SO true… the process can really suck sometimes…) But understand, too, that the idea of change is/can be much less uncomfortable than the idea of staying the same and in a rut your whole life.

2.    Have someone around who is willing to fight/intervene

3.    Recognize that you can’t do it alone. There is no point in suffering alone.

4.    Don’t let your or their unsubstantial beliefs keep you from getting help. I’ve said it before, I will say it again- there is NO shame in getting help. I have created a “toolbox” of things that help me stay relatively stable: meditations, good sleep (I’m working on this- apparently my bad sleep has been due to sleep apnea- who knew? I’m currently trying to get used to a CPAP machine so my sleep will be more reparative), good hydration and good diet (also a work in progress), exercise (I dance), a good therapist (therapy is a tool to get you to where you want to be), a good psychiatrist to monitor my medications (many people believe that taking medicine is not dealing with the problem. This kind of thinking is WRONG. Medicine helps correct an imbalance so we are better able to deal). These are my main tools in my toolbox. Using tools is ALWAYS better than getting there alone.

5.    If you have no desire to get better- have the desire to have the desire to develop hope. Does that make sense? You have to want it first- if you don’t, pray for the desire. God wants you to get well, too. Attitude is critical.

6.    Endure.  

·       “Embrace the suck”

·      Change what we can

·      Push through what we can’t

Blume suggested that the best way to start dealing with a mental illness is to take the following steps:

·      Start with the basics: food, sleep, safety

·      Don’t wait: Get help immediately. If you’re unsure, reach out. Find a professional that can answer your questions- they will help you know what to do.

·      Keep working on finding a solution till one can be found. Try solutions, adjust, try again. I’ve talked about this one in the past, also. Sometimes, your first solution won’t work. If it doesn’t work (after giving it a little time and a fair shot to work), move on to the next solution. We do this with medication till we find some that work with minimal side effects. We do this with therapists till we find one that we click with. My therapist and I did it with several other management strategies till we found a few that work. Give them all a fair shot- but if it’s not working, look elsewhere.

After all this advice and insight, it boils down to three things:

·      People are good. People are strong beyond anything when they are put to the test. Have faith.

·      There is ALWAYS hope.

·      Change CAN happen

Micheal Adams

Brother Adams started by giving us a list of UTAH statistics. As far as physical health is concerned, Utah ranks #5 in the nation for best health. However, Utah also ranks #1 in the nation for mental health issues- especially that of depression- and especially for women. This does not mean that women have depression more than men- only that women tend to get help more than men do. Suicide is completed much more frequently by men- probably because they believe men “shouldn’t” have mental health issues. So, they don’t get help, and it eats away at them till they can’t take it anymore. This kills me- no pun intended.

Mental Health issues- especially depression is way more common than we think or give it credit for.

Taking care of both our physical health AND our mental health is VITAL.

But there’s one major roadblock standing in the way of taking care of our mental health issues: STIGMA. Stigma is defined as “a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.” Synonyms include; shame, dishonor, humiliation, or bad reputation. Honestly- why does this still exist?

During my experience at Women’s Conference, and going to three separate sessions about mental health issues, I was constantly reminded of just how many people struggle with it- either their own, or someone they care about. SERIOUSLY, people! If there are SO many that suffer from the effects of mental illness, why is stigma still an issue?

Stigma is perpetuated by several false beliefs. Among these include,

·      If you have a mental illness, you can’t be trusted.

·      All with a mental illness are violent

·      If you’re dealing with mental illness, you’re stupid

And even worse are those false beliefs brought on by religion:

·      If we’re righteous, God will protect us from mental illness

·      If you have a mental illness, it’s a sign of God’s disfavor with you, or because you sinned.

Come on, please- aren’t we all smarter than this?

There are many physical ailments that are chronic: diabetes, fibromyalgia, enlarged prostate, chronic fatigue, Crohn’s disease, to name a few. There are also other physical ailments that may or may not be a life-long struggle- like cancer. All of these things infect and sometimes change different organs of the body. So, why is the brain any different? It’s just another organ of the body that has a chemical difference. That’s all. Very few people blame someone for having cancer. So, why is it suddenly someone’s fault who deals with clinical depression, bipolar, or schizophrenia? What are we so afraid of?

There are probably many reasons that the stigma continues. I choose to do my part to end the stigma by talking about it, and correcting misunderstandings about mental illness- though I am still not an expert on the matter. I do this through my blog. Those of us who have a mental illness are NORMAL people. We struggle with different things, yes. But this does not mean we should be avoided or feared.

STOP THE STIGMA!!! Many people fear to get the help that they need because stigma exists. We worry about what others may think of us, so we hold back and pretend that everything is fine- ultimately resulting in making our situation even worse. If we can end the stigma, we can stop spending so much energy focusing on what others think, and focus more on getting well.

The Journey to getting well and stable while having a mental illness is not an easy one. There is a statement I heard recently (though I can’t remember where it was from) that said the following:

“What other people think of you

is none of your business”

You can’t control others- that weight would be overbearing. You can control you. Who cares what other people might think or say? What matters is that you get well. And you will find others who will be on your side along the way. Again- it’s not easy, but it IS doable. Stop expending so much energy worrying about things you can’t control- and focus on what you can. You can do it.