Can I just tell you how good I feel? Just by saying that, I know hypomania is setting in. And hypomania is setting in because my body is finally sure that springtime is close- time to come out of hibernation.
I had been super depressed about my weight again, because I gained everything back that I lost last year. And I expect to lose again this fall when depression fatigue hits me again, but this time, I have a plan. I'm going to work extra hard to lose the weight, hopefully lose more than last year, and try to keep some habits going (this will take some planning) well enough that I don't gain that much back. You see? It's kind of a two steps forward, one step back sort of deal.
And I know what you're thinking- just keep the same habits all year. You know that doesn't work for me. When depressed like I am every fall/winter, my body is useless. I'm so tired that I can't move much during the day... and I feel so ugly and worthless that I can't see the point of keeping myself healthy... and even when I do see the point, my head is filled with so much nonsense and distorted thinking that I feel completely defeated like there's actually a person in there abusing me.
But the tables have turned for a minute. I have energy and that feeling that I CAN and I WILL accomplish my weight loss goals. I was at a standstill for a minute until I was texting my sister yesterday. She has similar feelings about it all, and we decided to team up. Right off the bat, I felt a surge of motivation. I've never had a weight loss partner before. I already feel stronger in my goals and the entire process. And since we're sisters, our bodies have similar weight patterns. We understand each other on a different level. AH! I'm excited.
So excited, in fact, that this morning, after seeing the kids off to school, I jumped in the car and went to the local gym. I was impressed by their membership (lack of) fees, and I purchased a membership for myself. BIG step in the right direction, right? I texted my sister right away to tell her, and she gave me a tip on how to stop cravings. This is going to be a good partnership, I think... even though I live in the Northeast, and she lives in the Southeast. The sweetheart even bought a fitbit for me (she called it an early birthday present).
Now, the downside to my day was that with all my intentions to get moving, I still spent most of it on the couch. But planning and preparation need to happen, too... I don't know what else I need to prepare, but we'll see.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment with an ENT. I'm still struggling getting enough oxygen when I sleep, even though I'm actually wearing the CPAP machine all night now. A while back, another ENT told me I had a narrow nasal passageway, so I'm going to see if that can be open ed up, and if there is something I can do for my dry nose (like my dry eyes, and my dry mouth that are being treated, some of my Bipolar meds are causing issues) to help clear everything out so that more air can flow.
And I think I've decided after that appointment, I might go wander about the gym... and try an elliptical for maybe 5 minutes... and maybe try the tanning booth- just to get a little "sun" for a minute.
I'm going to do this, you guys. The way I'm feeling today- nothing can stop me... but I also know it's Bipolar talking.
