I'm back... maybe

I have been thinking a lot recently about writing another blog post. This last weekend gave me a reminder that people actually read this thing. If I don't do it for me (though it is a prescribed treatment for me), I should at least do it for all of you who follow me. Thank you, by the way, for your support.

There has been a lot happening lately. As is typical of those with bipolar, I have bounced from idea to idea, not sticking with any one in particular. The novelty of a blog had worn off, and my mind was dancing with new project ideas. I have been pretty elevated... and a little depressed.

Here's the thing: In Bipolar, there is clinical depression, situational depression, sad, "normal", elevation, hypomania, and mania. I'm not sure I've ever experienced full-blown mania. I have Bipolar type 2, which experiences hypomania much more frequently- which I for sure have experienced. However, once I found a treatment plan that has worked for me, hypomania has even become rare. I have also experienced normal (I think- what is normal, anyway?), sad/down, and depression- both situational and clinical.

As I have journeyed through all of these distinctions, I have hoped someone would define the line between each level. Unfortunately, they don't exist. Just like any other person who does NOT have bipolar, there are ups and downs. Each up and each down varies in its intensity. There is no line that says "yes, that was hypomania" or "yes, that was clinical depression", "you must have bipolar". This is one of the reasons why bipolar is so difficult to diagnose. There are characteristics of each level that help, but no definition of what is okay and what is not okay.We bipolars are way more comfortable with mania than with depression, and at least I have a tendency to let myself go a little more than I should. The problem with doing this is that the higher I allow myself to go, the lower and deeper my depression will end up being. So I really have to keep my elevation in check.

In talking about this with my therapist (who is a ROCK STAR, by the way), we have determined the best thing to do is find a level that I am comfortable with while still being in control.
One of my daily management therapy techniques is to "take my vitals" every day- I kind of gauge where I am on the emotion scale several times a day and make small necessary adjustments to avoid the large emotional swings. Will they still happen? Sometimes. But they aren't nearly as big or as difficult to manage.

I feel like I've kind of rambled and tangent-ed a little bit... but I guess it was bound to happen. Once I get my thoughts better organized, I'll let you know a bit about what I've been up to lately.