Monday, April 18, 2016

Starting again

Yes- I have failed yet again to be consistent in writing my blog. Part of it is because of the personal things going on in my life, but part of it is also just the nature of bipolarity. I haven't done any research on it, but I've just noticed a sort of ADHD affect when it comes to my resolve in finishing/continuing my projects. I can't tell you how many I've started but can't stay focused to finish. 

My therapist has been on my case about my journal writing (which makes way more sense when I think someone else will read it). Also, my husband (upon hearing that my therapist recommends writing) tries to support and reminds me as well. 

Somehow, if I do a blog at all, my brain tells me it has to be big, detailed, intense, and with enough unique insight that it can change someone's life. (stupid distorted thoughts) But the thought of doing a huge cerebral blog overwhelms me right now. Jake reminds me that it doesn't have to be any of those things. So, here I go; just a short check in to keep my head a little more organized.

Let's just say I'm stressed and a little hopeless, too. Life threw us a curve ball, and I don't play baseball. I've been doing the best I can, but feel that most people don't understand the kind of extreme effort I have to put into coping as well as managing my disorder and taking care of my family. I can only do so much, and in this case- I can't fix it. But I still have to try to cope and cope, and manage, and cope, and de-stress (unsuccessfully, I might add- this has never been an ability that I have)... And manage some more.

So here's a question for my readers: how do you know when you're stressed?

6 comments:

  1. Michelle, keep on blogging whether people read or not. It's a good outlet and way to share your thoughts. I recently sat down and wrote a long letter to everyone about what I had been through since my mom died in 1994... it really helped me see where I was still hurting. Love ya girl

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  2. I know I'm stressed if I can't get my mind clear. After listening to this interview https://www.entreleadership.com/podcasts/podcast-episode-66--how-to-get-it-done) I started Getting Things Done and found it helped me be more relaxed and be able to sleep at night.

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  3. I'm a military wife, so if I'm stressed I tend to ignore it until its so bad, its a major problem. For me, that major problem is when I don't care about my appearance at all, my sleep is all messed up (regardless of how much I sleep at night I'm still tired all day) and I gain weight even when I'm eating healthy--my hormones decide "Oh, there's something wrong-let's store up just in case." The only thing I can do is start evaluating what I'm doing and eliminate the unnecessary. I have to force myself to follow a To-Do list, and accomplish things on it so that I stay focused. And the to do list is eternal--if I don't get it all done today, there is always tomorrow. But believe me it took a long time for me to realize that's what would work.

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  4. This is not at all meant to be sarcastic, but I know I'm stressed if I'm awake. Stressed is a good thing for me though. When I'm not surrounded by chaos and working really long hours (mostly by choice), it's really bad for me. The second I stop moving/working/taking care of others/planning/listening to anything and everything that will distract my mind, the bad thoughts creep in and the tears start coming. I know, I'm like super mentally healthy!

    We don't know each other that well yet, but my husband, whose six children I raised as my own (he had sole custody), had an affair and chose that over our marriage. I then moved back to Utah, gave up the kids (which was like ripping my heart out times six), gave up everything I had worked so hard on up there in Idaho, and had to give up all of my animals. Animals are huge for me and the best form of therapy.

    This is why I go with stressed and chaos. And meds! Bedtime only happens if there's an audiobook or podcast happening in the background. Otherwise I think.

    This probably didn't answer your question, but I just wanted you to know there are different ways to handle things. If one thing doesn't work, try another until you find what works for you. I'm obviously not a therapist, but someone being a therapist doesn't mean they are the end all, be all of mental health. YOU are the only one who can figure out what works for YOU. One size does not fit all! I'm slowly getting better, and it's because I go with my intuition as to what I need to do each day. Listen to yourself. Your body will tell you what you need.

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  5. This is not at all meant to be sarcastic, but I know I'm stressed if I'm awake. Stressed is a good thing for me though. When I'm not surrounded by chaos and working really long hours (mostly by choice), it's really bad for me. The second I stop moving/working/taking care of others/planning/listening to anything and everything that will distract my mind, the bad thoughts creep in and the tears start coming. I know, I'm like super mentally healthy!

    We don't know each other that well yet, but my husband, whose six children I raised as my own (he had sole custody), had an affair and chose that over our marriage. I then moved back to Utah, gave up the kids (which was like ripping my heart out times six), gave up everything I had worked so hard on up there in Idaho, and had to give up all of my animals. Animals are huge for me and the best form of therapy.

    This is why I go with stressed and chaos. And meds! Bedtime only happens if there's an audiobook or podcast happening in the background. Otherwise I think.

    This probably didn't answer your question, but I just wanted you to know there are different ways to handle things. If one thing doesn't work, try another until you find what works for you. I'm obviously not a therapist, but someone being a therapist doesn't mean they are the end all, be all of mental health. YOU are the only one who can figure out what works for YOU. One size does not fit all! I'm slowly getting better, and it's because I go with my intuition as to what I need to do each day. Listen to yourself. Your body will tell you what you need.

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  6. Michelle--no matter the size or scope of the post, I appreciate all of them. I am married to a man with bipolar and even the most seemingly minor and random things you say in your blog have helped me to be more understanding of his battle. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete