I have had a few people ask me about medication, so I have
dedicated this blog to the ins and outs of my medication. In short, I am for
medication. However, taking medication is a much more complicated answer than
yes or no.
For me, taking medication was never a question. I saw how
much I was hurting my family through my behavior, and felt it would be a
selfish choice to go without. However, though I feel I am still a beginner at
this whole bipolar universe (I was initially diagnosed about 4 years ago), I have
learned about a few reasons why people choose not to medicate. The first reason
is trying to live without emotion. Bipolar gives you a range of emotion that
many cannot understand. Some medication seems to completely take away that
emotion, and you’re left feeling numb and robotic. However, I don’t feel that
all medication gives this reaction. The second reason I have learned about is
having a bad reaction to a medication, and being scared out of trying different
meds.
Whatever the reason for not taking medication, it’s
important to note that everyone experiences bipolar differently. There are also
varying degrees to which the disease manifests itself. When I was diagnosed, I
was told that I had a mild form of bipolar. I guess there are people who have
an even milder form than I do, which enable them to manage bipolar without
medication.
Medication for some can be a scary avenue. It can give
countless side effects that are scary and undesirable. But I still feel that
with the help of the right psychiatrist, a medication can be found with little
side effects and can help you manage your bipolar. I’ve been through a number
of different medications, and felt like many of them didn’t even work (although
it’s hard to tell due the unpredictable nature of the disorder.). But I think
we may have found a drug that has helped me stay stable.
It’s called Lithium. By my understanding, it’s one of the
most widely used maintenance drugs for bipolar. I’m also currently taking
Geodon, which is also a maintenance drug. Taken together, they keep me from
hiking too much into mania or dipping too low into depression. Unfortunately, they
have their fair share of side effects. I have to drink a lot of water so I
don’t have to go through kidney dialysis later in life. I have to pee a lot. I
can’t take a lot of fiber, because it makes me get diarrhea. (I know- like you
really wanted to know that, right? I’m just being honest here.) And I just
learned that Lithium specifically might be responsible for my frequent brain
farts, too. I’ve been having a hard time remembering things, and also have poor
concentration. It’s pretty frustrating- so I’ll be talking to my psychiatrist
about this particular issue the next time I see him. Maybe there’s another drug
to combat it. Because so far, I think the Lithium is doing a good job at
keeping me stable.
There was another drug that I tried that I really liked.
It’s called Latuda. It was just approved by the FDA to be used for bipolar
depression. I felt a difference almost right away. I felt calm and in control.
Unfortunately, because it was so recently accepted by the FDA, insurance won’t
cover it. For a month’s worth of the drug, it was over $500. We tried appealing
to the insurance company to cover more of the drug, since it apparently worked
so well for me. Unfortunately, we were turned down. So, until there’s a generic
form, or our insurance company is comfortable covering this drug, I have to
make do with something else. Bummer.
Commonly used are other mood stabilizers and antidepressants,
anticonvulsants, antipsychotics, and benzodiazephines- or central nervous
system depressants. A lot of these medications work on your brain to slow down
your brain function- since a bipolar brain is a hyperactive one. I’ve tried
drugs in each of these classifications. Unfortunately, I didn’t do a very good
job at keeping track of which was which and what my reactions were to the
drugs. I wish I had- I’d have a much better understanding now of what the drugs
actually were doing to me and for me.
The thing to remember about medication is that it doesn’t
take away the bipolar. It can’t “fix it”. Medication can only make bipolar a
little more manageable.
So, my philosophy on treating bipolar is this: take the best
of every treatment avenue, and combine it to find a happy balance that works
for you.
Find a good psychiatrist to help
you find the right medications.
Find a good therapist.
Learn other management techniques
that work for you (I’ll discuss these next time.)
Know that Bipolar is manageable. It only takes desire and
discipline. It’s hard, but it’s totally doable. Medication, in my opinion, is a
large piece of the managing bipolar puzzle. When used appropriately, it helps
one become whole.
I'm glad that you mentioned the need for plenty of water. None of my birth kids can take meds because polycystic kidneys run in the family. We have to treat everything we can naturally because of it. They say that lots of water is the best thing you can do in order to better on your meds. For those in our situation or who like to go the natural route, look up Feingold and try a few weeks of clean eating to see if it helps at all.
ReplyDeleteThanks for you honesty about medication, but I have to point out that sometimes "desire and discipline" are not enough to manage bipolar, and sometimes bipolar CANNOT be managed well. I'm sure you were (hopefully) just talking about your experience with mild bipolar, but it's always disconcerting to see any insinuation that it's just an issue of mind over matter. I have known many people with bipolar who spend a majority of their time hospitalized because medications do very little to help them. I've met many people with bipolar who are barely functioning members of society even while taking copious amounts of medications. I personally deal with Bipolar 2 and have tried most everything out there without anything more than a slight lessening of my mood swings. I function, but barely. A good day is getting out of bed and remembering to eat. A bad day is something I won't even confess to, as I am regularly embarrassed by my lack of ability to do basic tasks. I absolutely have the desire. I absolutely have as much discipline as I can manage. But it's not enough. Sorry, but it just isn't. Good luck on your journey, I'm glad medications have worked so well for you. God bless!
ReplyDelete"Concerned Citizen," Michelle's comment about discipline and desire wasn't intended to be anything but, as with everything about her blog, a message that a diagnosis of mental illness is not hopeless. Having been hospitalized herself, she is well aware of the extreme difficulty that accompanies living with such an illness. She wasn't calling you or anyone else out for a lack of desire or dedication. She wasn't saying it's simply a case of mind over matter. She, like any of us, can only speak from experience. She has days that are like yours. But in an effort to tear down the stigmas that are attached to mental illness, she is putting herself out there, publicly, without hiding behind an internet screen name, to authenticly share her experiences, successes, failures, hopes, and fears. The journey to find the right meds was incredibly difficult, and is still ongoing. But that is only a part of her management strategies. As you know, owning and managing this disease is a lifelong struggle that does require desire an discipline. But those are simply starting points. There is NO quick, easy "fix" as she said in the blog.
ReplyDeleteI understand that she was talking about her own situation with mild Bipolar disorder, but she did say that "Bipolar is manageable. It only takes desire and discipline." I was just pointing out that not all of us will ever become "whole" or find a way to manage the disease. I understand that I may be coming from a very bitter place (okay, I definitely am) but I was simply compelled to point out what is a sore spot for many of us with mental illness--the insinuation that somehow we can overcome a physical, brain ailment by using a bit more discipline. And, yes, I'm hiding as you pointed out, but as I said previously, I feel nothing but utter loathing about my inability to function. I doubt anyone wants to read a blog about how long it's been since I've showered or brushed my teeth. Or how disgusting my bathrooms are because I cannot muster strength to clean them. Or how wretched I was to my husband and its a miracle he's still married to me. And to be honest, I will never be honest about any of that. I'm thankful that mental illness is becoming more talked about, but there is a rather gross underbelly that not many are willing to confess to, myself included for sure.
ReplyDeleteSorry, to have bothered anyone. I'll move along. I do wish you all the best, Michelle.
I can relate to the place of feeling "broken" as if you can never again add anything worthwhile to society or to anyone else. My husband and I struggled through that phase together, too. It's easy feel hopeless because it sucks and it's hard. It. Is. HARD. I'm sorry that this kind of experience has to be one that so many people share. Thank for your courage in sharing what you have here. Every bit helps to break down the walls that create shame and isolation surrounding mental illness. Best wishes to you on your journey. And know there are those out there who know enough to cheer for you when you can muster a shower or a toothbrush or any other effort that so many take for granted. And those who will understand when you can't. Our local DBSA chapter often restates, "Do what you can, when you can." That is enough. You are enough. God bless.
DeleteI managed my difficult brain chemistry (mild depression and I'm not sure what else) with some hard-fought cognitive techniques for years, including "muscle through it and be miserable," which is not a strategy I recommend.
ReplyDeleteThen I realized friends of mine had similar problems, and were getting treatment. It took me three years of watching this and reading about it to figure out that I was, in fact, unwell, and that the strategies I was employing were not, in fact, working well enough to keep me functional.
So now I'm medicated.
It's still hard. It's even harder sometimes when I have to own up to the fact that I cannot be who I need to be without putting this tiny white thing in my mouth and then swallowing it with some water. But it's a thing I do, and it's easier to do when people like you talk about your own experiences.
Like Jake said, the stigmas associated with mental health issues need to be torn down, or perhaps torn up by their deep, ugly roots, and this blog helps. Thank you.
Michelly, I'm loving that you can share your experiences so clearly in your well-spoken way. Jason has many strengths and has created many more as he's learned through this battle, but words are still difficult for him to put down in such a clear way. There are many experiences he would like to share if he could find the words. You're doing that. Thank you. I think of you often.
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