The Quest for Happiness

This is a talk about happiness that I gave at church a few months ago. It is easy to see my efforts as finding a bunch of doctrine that could be used in the quest for happiness. But the thing is I actually believe it. I was in a pretty deep depression when I went on a personal quest to create happiness, and this is the list I came up with. If I could change anything, I would add one thing to the list, that after we have done everything we can to find happiness, and are still feeling unworthy and sad, we need to get help. The only reason I didn’t include it in this talk was because I taught a combined class about a month later- all focused on getting help to be happy. I truly believe these things can bring happiness closer to a person’s heart and mind. Though it’s not always possible to do it on our own, when done with a sincere purpose of heart, happiness comes closer to our grasp.

For a long time, I thought that happiness was our reward for enduring through this life. Get through it, and then you’ll be happy. But listen to what Joseph Smith taught:

“Happiness is the object and design of our existence.”

And the scriptures teach us that “men are that they might have joy”. Not men will be that they might have joy, but are- right now.

So, what if happiness isn’t just the end of our story? What if happiness becomes the means to the end? We are meant to be happy now- not just when the world is over and we’ve finally been perfected. Not just when we get that dream job, find our soul mate, and win the million dollar sweepstakes. Not when we have just one more child, or when we are finished raising our children. But now. In this life. Even this minute.

James E Faust introduced a very interesting concept about happiness. He suggested that happiness is not something to be consumed- it is something that we generate. Happiness is not acquired or attained; it’s created. We create our own happiness.

How is this accomplished? First of all, it requires work on our part. The church teaches that we need to be self-sufficient. We can’t rely on others to give us our happiness, even our own family members. Your husband or wife can’t give it to you. Nor are your parents responsible for your happiness. You must do everything you can first to ensure your OWN happiness.

The following are some tools that I have found helpful in achieving my own happiness.

1.    Be Optimistic

This is not the same thing as happiness. Optimism is action Optimism is a choice we make. It is something we do on purpose to see the best in every situation we are given.

It is not possible to be happy all the time. The scriptures teach there must be opposition in all things. So, the car will sometimes break down. We will have disagreements and sometimes lose our temper. Our health will sometimes fail us. There will be negative things going on in the world. There will also be times when we are sad for no apparent reason. The point of optimism, though, is to help us overcome the sometimes perpetual negativity that surrounds us.

President Gordon B Hinckley spoke of the power of optimism. He said “we are creatures of our thinking. We can talk ourselves into defeat, or we can talk ourselves into victory.”

One way we might help ourselves use optimism is keeping a gratitude journal. Gratitude and optimism are very similar- those with these attributes see the light and count their blessings. In practicing gratitude, we will see the blessings more naturally and easily, thus making us more optimistic.

There is something else I learned about optimism. It keeps us faithful. Patricia Holland stated that “Optimism (leads) to hope which (leads) to faith.” President Uchtdorf teaches that “Hope is made manifest in optimism.” So, as we continue to utilize optimism, the stronger our faith and hope become, resulting in an even greater capacity to be optimistic. It’s a cycle.

2.    Prayer

Don’t just say your prayers- really pray. Ask to be happy. Heavenly Father will always answer our prayers. He may not give it right away, or in the way we expect, but he will always give it. Maybe he wants to see you work a little harder for it, but in his time, he will always answer our prayers.

Even if He doesn’t give you happiness right away, your prayers will help you develop your relationship with Him, helping you realize His love for you, as well as your divine and royal identity.

President Uchtdorf taught: “The more we allow the love of God to govern our minds and emotions- the more we allow our love for Heavenly Father to swell within our hearts- the easier it is to love others with the pure love of Christ.” Which leads me to my next point:

3.    Service

This could mean really investing in your current calling. It could mean a major service project. It could mean simply lending an ear or giving words of encouragement. I have been the recipient of a lot of service over the years: watching my kids, helping me go grocery shopping or get to a doctors appointment, or just holding my babies during relief society or sacrament meeting so I can focus a little more on being spiritually fed. You know who you are. Thank you. Many of you have said that it’s nothing, but you really have no idea how much it means to the recipient.

I hope you have felt the joy of helping others. Lifting our neighbor lightens our own burdens. It helps us focus elsewhere rather than on ourselves. When we focus on our own trials, they are sometimes blown out of proportion, making them seem insurmountable. But, when we focus on others, our challenges are put into better perspective, and they seem a bit more manageable.

4.    Study the Words of the Prophets, Both Ancient and Modern

Both the scriptures and the words of the living prophets can invited the spirit into our lives. The uplift, inspire and teach us.

President Gordon B Hinckley was well known for his optimism and winning attitude. He reminded us to keep trying- to be believe and be happy. He said “In my ninety plus years, I have learned a secret I have learned that when good men and good women face challenges with optimism, things will always work out. Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out!”

5.    Follow the Commandments

We know that wickedness never was happiness. The commandments and guidelines of the Lord’s church are there to lead us to happiness. Remember the Joseph Smith quote from the beginning of this writing? Let me continue that same quote:

“Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.”

In John 13:17, Christ teaches “If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.” Sometimes, this seems overwhelming, and we mess up, but that is why we have:

6.    The Atonement

The atonement is central to the plan of happiness. Without it, the plan would cease to function. Christ suffered EVERYTHING. Unfortunately, we talk of it so frequently, and in such general terms, I wonder if we have forgotten its personal meaning. The atonement is there to help us improve ourselves and come closer to Christ. When we sin, we separate ourselves from the spirit, causing feelings of discomfort: pain, sorrow, guilt. However the atonement covers much more than sin. Christ suffered EVERYTHING.

He knows what it feels like to be a single parent. He has dealt with the emotions associated with same gender attraction. He knows how it felt to lose a parent to cancer, or a sibling to a drunk driver. He’s had depression. He’s been lonely, betrayed by a friend, and hated by many- more than once. He feels the pain of infertility. He knows the frustration of having a distant spouse. He knows what it feels like to have a mental illness.

He also knows the physical pain and discomfort: he’s felt his tonsils removed, every muscle torn, every disease known to man- plus more. He KNOWS us- the intimate dealings in our minds and in our hearts. He knows our intentions. We can turn to him to heal- whether it’s to heal from sin, or to heal from emotional hurt, or physical pain. He’s been there. He can help to make us whole- if we but turn to Him.

I know He is real. It's not just a nice story. Christ lives. He LOVES us, individually and collectively. He suffered for me- He suffered for you, and He wants to help us. I love Him with all my heart. That we may seek His guidance and His love is my prayer. In His name, even Jesus Christ, Amen.