Do I dare?

 I've noticed my posts lately have been more on the negative side. You could call it negative. You could just call it life. This is my life experience. Anyone with a mental illness has a lot of mental battles to fight- and we need to get it out sometimes. I need this blog to help me vent. I'm not trying to prove I have it worse off than anyone else. It's just really hard to live with a mental illness (or a few). I want my audience out there to know I'm just trying to be real. I'm trying to be a voice... a voice for myself so that others might understand me more (and the more I talk about it, the more I realize I'm the one in control here-not my illness)... and a voice for others who are maybe more introverted or scared to speak for themselves- you are not alone.

That being said, there are positive sides here, too. Learning to deal with these mental illnesses (and continuing to learn... there will never be an end to this learning) has given me strength, compassion, self-control (to a degree... definitely NOT when it comes to chocolate), and a lot of insight into myself and sometimes those around me.

Within the past month, I have learned of two dear friends who have been diagnosed with a mental illness or two. My mind immediately went back to that space of time when I knew I had bipolar, but I didn't know you could do anything about it, and I didn't want my friends to have to struggle as much as I did, so I put together some ideas that I thought were the most helpful in knowing when dealing with something this difficult. Whether or not they use it is up to them... and I know the way they deal will be different than how I deal. But, I wanted them to have a positive start... something I wish I had when I was first diagnosed.

This got me to thinking. I know mine is only one experience, but that experience and knowledge might be valuable to more people than just me and my friends. I wonder if it would be valuable to enough people to warrant writing a book about it.

Every time I bring it up, I immediately doubt myself. But ever since I was little, I've wanted to publish a book... and this is something I care about, don't mind doing research for, and would really like to get the information out there. Having a guidebook to learn how to manage Bipolar (that might also apply to other mental illnesses) might be helpful to a lot of people. But do I dare? Books are subject to negative attention as well as the positive. Could I handle that? The book is basically already outlined, and many of the chapters already written. If I went for it, I might have it finished by the end of the year.

I think I'm afraid of success on this one. If I did it- I'd fulfill a life-long dream, and I'd have something ready if I find another friend who needs support. But, do I dare?