First- genetics. Bipolar is a passed down genetically. I know it got passed down- because my brother has it as well. I know it's from my mother's side of the family because 4 people have confided in me their various mental illnesses, Bipolar being among them.
Second- early signs of Bipolar. Bipolar has a few characteristics that I have wondered about. Usually, Bipolar doesn't kick in till late teens/early 20s. Though some people believe in childhood bipolar, others think it doesn't exist in childhood. I have a couple memories that these facts sort of play a part in. One was when I was pretty young. I think my day was totally fine- nothing big happened, but by the time I got home from school, I was in serious tears... for no reason... I recognize this might have been one of my first times with PMS. But it really felt like there was more to it than that.
The other "example" was just how much I took onto my shoulders in high school. I was part of marching band and pep band, was a member of band council, played in 2 orchestras (one before school, and one after school), and would fit in a musical here and there (either playing in the pit orchestra or being on stage dancing and trying hard to win a part). I had a science teacher that told my mom I had an aptitude for science and really had a future if I wanted to pursue it. (I will admit here that I had absolutely ZERO aptitude for math...I was never good at math). I was an amazing overachiever in high school... and got my fingers into anything I could. It is possible all of this was me trying to earn the validation that I wanted or felt I needed. But, I got away with all of it, and still got decent grades. If you ask me, this all smells of a prolonged manic episode; all the energy with a clear head, thinking I was amazing (I was really only mediocre at any of these skills), in addition to being extra extroverted and flirty. Maybe this was my first actual experience with mania... before the whole experience of it kicked in.
Third- distorted thought patterns. I know that distorted thinking can happen with or without a mental illness, but I think it happens more often in those with a predisposition of mental illness. I know for a fact that this was part of the problem for me growing up. My whole family knew it. Everyone asked me all the time why I took everything so personally like it was a deliberate choice on my end to be difficult and selfish or something. I wish I knew at the time it was a way of thinking that happened naturally, but could be changed... not that there would be much I could do to change it as a kid, but maybe it would leave a more forgiving attitude between myself and my family.
Just like this last paragraph illustrates, the interaction between nature and nurture can all boil down to just a misunderstanding, but if there is no efforts in understanding it, it can create a negative thought about oneself. I think just doing it once is something that can be more easily overcome... but if it's something that happens repeatedly or similarly and it doesn't get resolved, it creates a negative cycle that reinforces the same distorted thought, turning it into a negative belief about yourself.
This makes so much sense to me. Though having an explanation by itself doesn't fix it. I hope I can get there and change that belief. I want to belief I'm good enough. I want to believe I don't have to earn anyone's love or validation.
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